Challenging doubt
Today was a long-overdue catch-up with my friend and fellow artist/printmaker Marigold. The early morning in the orchards of Kent provides the perfect space for walking and reflecting on each other’s journeys.
I have found it essential during this MA to maintain a connection with friends like Marigold. This week has been about reconnecting with my core people: yesterday with Sally and Sunday with Nicola. How fortunate I am to be surrounded by printmakers, art historians, and artisan cabinetmakers! Each brings something to the table, but the commonality among them is their support for my journey.
Today, my conversation with Marigold was a genuine exchange about how we perceive ourselves in the world of art. In many respects, we were merely realigning our positions regarding our practice and considering where we fit or do not fit. Recognising the benefits of living in Kent and the price we pay for distance from the London art scene emerged. Would Jung have me down as an introverted extrovert? Probably!
Then, there is the matter of the internal and unending inner critic. Speaking for myself (it would be unethical to report on Marigold's position), I have decided that the internal voice that constantly broadcasts my failures should be given some perspective. Recognising this as a wound that can never be healed, much like the centaur Chiron experienced, was the only way to make peace with that voice. Too much energy can be wasted on it, but accepting and letting go is a potential way forward.
We discussed the age-old theme of being a mature student emerging in the later years of practice. What room is there in the world for me? I asked.
I don’t have the luxury of a long career ahead of me. Pessimistic? Yes, but I like to think realistically. We discussed my envy for my younger contemporaries and how they seem to respond to the current art world, emerging rather than exploding onto the scene. You see, I think I will indeed explode. Not in a bad way, but if I have a finite amount of time, I will use it to the best of my ability and take what I can from my studies.
In conclusion, I haven’t answered the question of where I fit in the art world. Until it becomes clear, I will hand the problem upstairs to management and trust in the process of this course and ultimately, in the synchronicity of life.